How to control or get rid of hatred, anger or rage?

Hate is a very negative but deeply human feeling. As a feeling opposite to love, it is devastating and intense. Hatred has, however, several connotations, semantic derivations, such as anger and anger, which are usually defined in parallel.

According to the Dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy, hatred is a feeling of antipathy, disgust, enmity and aversion towards a phenomenon, a thing or someone, which can escalate to the desire to destroy or harm that agent on whom that feeling is deposited .

The feeling of hatred persists over time, stimulates revenge and is expressed as anger and the desire to destroy, make suffer and dominate that hated subject or object. In the game of metaphors, hatred is wildfire.

Anger, on the contrary, is a fire that arises as a reaction to a situation or external element that produces annoyance, but that could coexist with love.

The origin of hatred is deeper and more difficult to face with therapeutic techniques, because not even the subject who experiences the feeling of hatred is aware of its depth.

As you can see, hatred is a persevering feeling, while anger is an emotion, a feeling of rage.

Even if there is love for someone, you can feel anger, because it is repulsion for an annoying and infuriating but temporary situation. Precisely, because of the importance of loved ones, it is permissible to feel upset at some point by any of their actions.

For its part, anger is recognized as an emotional state that can change in magnitude, depending on the situation; from inconsequential rage to very strong anger. 

Anger, like anger, is related to emotional and physical disturbances. Anger and rage change heart rate and blood pressure, as well as adrenaline levels rise, among other hormones.

Anger is anger that is out of control, but generally they are seen as synonyms. Like anger, anger is usually generated by events in the environment or internal problems. Examples are: anger that arises from the irresponsible behavior of a child or the difficulty to get to work early due to traffic jams, and that which arises from personal anxieties about past or present events.

Tips to get rid of hatred, anger or rage

  1. Recognize what the reason for hatred is.
  2. Talk to the subject you despise to tell him how you feel. It is a technique that works even when you pretend to be in front of you.
  3. Make the effort to put yourself in the place of the hated person and try to understand, without justifying it, why he acted wrong, accepting that people make mistakes and change.
  4. Try to free yourself from the attitude of judge, because it is what makes it easier for you to feel that you have the right to judge the other. Being a judge does not facilitate the release of that negative feeling.
  5. Give up painful thoughts, because they don’t let you move on.
  6. Learning to see the positive helps to face other situations with another face. You cannot go through life marking people with contempt, it is preferable to ignore them.
  7. Abandon all desire for revenge because in the end it ends up being a lowering of the principles of moral correctness that are defended. You should learn to forgive yourself.

Anger and rage

  1. Practice relaxation: although the practice of yoga is ideal, if it is difficult for you to practice it, it is enough to take a few minutes a day to carry out conscious breaths and focus your mind on pleasant things, which can be a piece of music to your liking, sounds of falling water, instrumental music, etc.
  2. Change the way you communicate and the thoughts themselves. It is not about hiding or suppressing anger, but changing your attitude and the various ways of interpreting the situations that usually cause you anger. If you think about it rationally, there is no point in getting angry because the solution is not there.

The reasonable thing is to think that each mind is a world and the use of disqualifying adjectives against a person or situation what they do is stimulate irrational behaviors and anger.

  1. Preventing Anger From Turning To Anger: Letting yourself be embraced by anger is not the best alternative you have. The cognitive change described above also consists of becoming aware that demanding is not the same as wanting. Frustration due to unmet demands leads to anger, on the other hand when they are only desires you can only feel disappointment.
  2. Expand the bridges of communication before feeling angry. Talking angrily almost always obstructs assertive communication. Therefore, it is important to establish strong personal relationships, depending on the context (family, marriage, work, friendship), to avoid future misunderstandings and situations that lead to anger.
  3. Rename conflictive situations that make you angry looking at their humorous side. It’s not about making fun of people, but about imagining that not everything has to be so tragic.
  4. Change schedules to talk about issues such as the family finances, relationships with your children, problems at home: changing schedules is useful because serious matters require rested minds. It is a mistake to discuss problems when you are tired or having a bad day.
  5. Do not always do the same: routine does not always work out when it comes to living in an always congested city. Sometimes the mood changes because it is impossible for him to get to work on time. Consider multiple transportation alternatives and stick with the ones that don’t get you in the way.
  6. Carry out sports and recreational activities as a lifestyle: physical activity in any of its categories (running, swimming, jumping, doing weights, etc.), modifies the way the world is perceived, balances the energy between mind and body, because it favorably affects hormonal compensation. It can be seen as a natural antidote to avoiding bouts of anger and rage.
  7. Emotional catharsis through art is one of the most effective ways to achieve immediate results. You don’t have to be an artist to put your thoughts and emotions on paper in the form of a journal or loose writings; nor should you be a draftsman, sculptor or painter to try out some forms in your free time. Naming feelings or images of rage or anger will always be liberating.
  8. Anger and anger are accompanied by sadness by some kind of disappointment. When it is possible to talk about it with someone close (even with the therapist) a kind of liberation occurs and the matter loses gravity.
  9. The return to synderesis leads to learning: once anger, even hatred of long years, has been overcome, learning comes so as not to get hooked again in a similar situation. Self-knowledge must be strengthened in order to give an interpretive twist to the very situations that generated your anger or hatred.
  10. Anger as a manifestation of the personality of an adult individual has multiple root causes, which even go back to the first stages of life. It is often said <that person has problems with anger management> but is not regularly attended by a psychotherapist, but is limited to a personality issue. Even the same person does not recognize that he has a serious problem.

On the contrary, the manifestations of chronic anger must be accepted by the person who suffers them and dealt with with behavioral and cognitive psychotherapy, to restructure thoughts and behaviors in a directed way.

In conclusion

The knowledge of the brain achieved by neuroscience and neuropsychology has made it possible to put into clinical practice new tools that allow the approach to diseases in a broader context of action.

It is known that the intestine is a kind of second brain that is affected by stress and that the liver and the gallbladder are related to emotions. In fact, autoimmune diseases have a common basis in states of nervous excitement. Irritable bowel syndrome has a somatic or neurovegetative origin, caused by negative thoughts and emotions.

Cancer has even been associated with disturbances of temperament. Hence, the phrase <we are what we think and feel> makes a lot of sense. Therefore, it is essential to do what is called hygiene of the mind: strengthen satisfactory ideas and emotions, without falling into false illusions of course.

Two words stand out in this process: self-awareness and self-control. To know how to interpret the world and not continually affect inner peace, self-awareness and self-control must be stimulated.

Self-awareness is the ability to observe inward to know what you feel and think and what its origin is.

Self-control is the ability to reflect before acting. It supposes a level of maturity, because it avoids the overflow in actions, emotional expressions and the tantrum, so common in children. Thanks to self-control, it is possible to weigh the degree of reaction to a negative stimulus. 

Both qualities serve to determine how to act in front of something or someone that provokes a strong emotion, such as hatred, anger or rage.

However, although self-control and self-knowledge are easy to define in a discursive context, putting them into practice requires intellectual and emotional maturity and, of course, interest. If life works for you with constant mood swings and emotional health issues, there isn’t much you can do.

Anger, anger and hatred are negative emotional expressions, which affect the general health of people. Their severity is measured by their recurrence and they are regularly explained by conflictive parenting processes, weak parental relationships, abandonment, etc.

In the end, it is a question of conscience and self-love, which no psychotherapist can face if he does not have the conviction and support of his patient.

Alexa Clark specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She has experience in listening and welcoming in Individual Therapy and Couples Therapy. It meets demands such as generalized anxiety, professional, love and family conflicts, stress, depression, sexual dysfunction, grief, and adolescents from 15 years of age. Over the years, She felt the need to conduct the psychotherapy sessions with subtlety since She understands that the psychologist acts as a facilitator of self-understanding and self-acceptance, valuing each person's respect, uniqueness, and acceptance.

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