What is forbidden love, what to do and what not to do?

Human beings tend to complicate everything. The relationships between animals of the same species are simple, although they are still hierarchical and comply with certain instinctual mechanisms. In contrast, homo sapiens, thanks to their complex mental capacities, such as speech and thinking, analyze any behavior that is of interest to them. Feelings and the inner world escape direct observation.

In this sense, people are necessarily subjected from childhood to a socialization process in order to interact with their environment without generating major conflicts. And love, that feeling that from biology is nothing more than a set of hormones in action , becomes part of a longing, often overestimated.

Between tastes and colors there are plenty of opinions. Therefore, when “forbidden love” is read, anyone could affirm who is who to veto. Well, precisely, it is the environment and the aforementioned socialization process that ensures that this love is not socially correct .

What is forbidden love?

The “forbidden love” is that feeling that goes against the norms, statutes, relationships and social guidelines. Society gives itself the foundations of coexistence and behavior that allow its development. Forbidden love partly breaks those foundations.

In principle, behind an impossible or forbidden love is a possible borderline or conflictive situation that, if ignored, would bring serious consequences for those in love and their environment. The common denominator seems to be the exhilaration of feelings, which seem uncontrollable. Apparently, the prohibited generates more interest. The examples are very diverse, namely:

  • The teacher who falls in love with one of her underage students.
  • The brothers who, without knowing their blood parentage, fall madly in love before their parents’ confession.
  • The young man in love with the mother of a friend.
  • The young woman in her twenties in love with a man who is thirty years older, or vice versa.
  • The poor young man in love with the rich young woman.
  • Lovers with antagonistic religious beliefs.
  • The married person who not only loves his partner, but also the partner of his relative, with whom he shares a long friendship.
  • The couple that falls in love from enemy families.
  • Today homosexual couples enjoy equal rights to heterosexuals in many countries; however, there are still societies and families where these relationships are considered prohibited.

The diversity of situations that lead to consider the prohibited nature of a love relationship depends on the environment and the moral-emotional cost involved. Humanity has known examples of famous couples with marked age differences.

Similarly, couples with antagonistic religious beliefs can overcome this obstacle by prioritizing their feelings. Sometimes you just have to let time pass to make an impossible love possible.

What to do with a forbidden love?

A list of advice for forbidden love is still a general orientation, because it depends on each particular case. Human complexity often further muddies less important situations.

  • The first thing is to determine if it really is love . An introspective and self-recognition exercise would help you to know, for sure, if what you feel for that person is really a great love, that it is worth it. Sometimes strong emotions pass in a short time. Knowing that will save you time and energy; rule out that it’s just platonic love.
  • When it is a fact the link is prohibited . The best thing you could do when you are already in a forbidden relationship is to maintain good communication with the person you secretly love. Show that the relationship is two and reciprocity is essential.
  • When the impossible love has not yet been consummated . They say that time heals everything. You should study the disadvantages or advantages of waiting for your love life to continue on the desired path. Set a reasonable waiting time, but if it is not reciprocated it is useless to wait. Make your love possible if you believe it is an essential step in your life.
  • What is the factor that must change? From the above it follows that the core of impossible love is to be able to change the factors that made such love possible.
  • Do a rationality exercise . It consists of praying the pros and cons of being in love with that person. What are the reasons that make your love difficult or impossible? What are the virtues and achievements of not abandoning your love?
  • Even when it is love, sometimes it is better to withdraw . People don’t die from frustrated forbidden love. In this sense, you should evaluate the advisability, in your particular context, of staying with that partner no matter what.
  • The projection of your life in the future . This recommendation is a variant of the previous ones. It is about carrying out a prospective exercise of what your life will be like if that person you love stays by your side.
  • The other person, what do you think ? Love relationships are between two or more people, although at present they are impossible. Therefore, it is essential to speak with your forbidden love to see what your responsibility is so that love is possible. That other person must be willing to take the same risks.
  • It is a personal decision . Your life is non-transferable, so your motives and feelings are the only reasons that will ultimately lead you to enjoy your relationship in the present and future. Best advice: live your life, not someone else’s.
  • The impossible sometimes is in reality . Sometimes that love is impossible. By way of illustration: he will never leave his wife and children, he will never return from a very distant country, etc. In these cases, the only thing left to do is take distance: cut off any telematic or physical link with that person.
  • The way is acceptance . Thwarted love hurts, but no one dies for it. Live your grief, which is the first step to resume your emotional life. When reality is accepted, the healing process begins.
  • Don’t rule out professional support if the situation gets out of hand. Heartbreak or the frustration of an impossible love is almost always tolerated without leaving psychological consequences; however, if the pain lasts over time, you should seek the support of a psychotherapist. Counseling gives you tools to change the way you view your emotions.

What not to do with a forbidden love?

Sometimes forbidden loves become situations that create conflict, not only in the people directly involved but also in those who are associated with their protagonists. Therefore, below we mention some examples of what should not be done in these cases:

  • Forbidden love should not be used as a catapult . For some people it is an opportunity to do what they have always wanted, such as changing their lifestyle, exercising, traveling, meeting other people, starting a new project, etc. Life must flow but maintaining one’s independence as well as harming other people must be avoided.
  • Selfish acts should not influence the relationship. This is the case of those relationships where there is a marked economic difference or in relation to the religion of origin. It is important not to force the couple to adopt behaviors or actions that are against their will. Examples of this type are found in conflicts generated from the religion that will be imparted to the children in common.
  • The sexual should not be a priority. That is, some couples base their relationship only on the sexual aspect, forgetting to also pay the same attention to the emotional part. Emotional health when affected can affect your physical health. Your hormone levels also likely affect your mood and self-perception.
  • The freedom of the couple should not be limited. In some relationships, a hierarchy or prioritization of the decisions and opinions of only one of them is established. In these cases, it is important to mediate and maintain good communication. The needs and wishes of both must also be respected.
  • Domestic violence. Unfortunately, some relationships have an apparently normal and healthy beginning, however later experiences begin to be lived within the home where violence prevails. The therapy will try to unblock your paralyzing and conflicting thoughts, improving your perception and quality of life.
  • What to do when you no longer feel love? Once the relationship has ended for any reason, as far as possible said link should be terminated in good terms. In case you require psychological help, the psychologist’s strategies will help you strengthen your social skills, possibly affected by the feeling of loss of forbidden love.
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Alexa Clark specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She has experience in listening and welcoming in Individual Therapy and Couples Therapy. It meets demands such as generalized anxiety, professional, love and family conflicts, stress, depression, sexual dysfunction, grief, and adolescents from 15 years of age. Over the years, She felt the need to conduct the psychotherapy sessions with subtlety since She understands that the psychologist acts as a facilitator of self-understanding and self-acceptance, valuing each person's respect, uniqueness, and acceptance.

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