Am I physically attracted or emotionally attracted to my partner?

By the end of the 20th century, social psychology began to be interested in human behavior related to attraction itself, considering the reality of ordinary social life 

Attraction and love will be seen as essential issues to shed light on the knowledge of habitual behavior and of human nature itself. Studies in the field of psychosociology concerning interpersonal attraction will seek to understand why some people consider themselves attractive; what people are looking for in their love relationships; what does it depend on whether a person likes it or not; what is the origin of the attraction: does it originate from reward or from indifference?

Characteristics of physical attraction

For various reasons, the level of physical attraction can vary, even practically disappear for a time, even if you live as a couple. Although each case should be analyzed separately, in general physical attraction is an essential component in a love relationship between two or more people and varies according to personal factors.

It is understood that physical attraction manifests itself through the desire that anyone experiences for someone for their charms and bodily attributes. But, physical attraction is a somewhat complex phenomenon, taking into account the relativity of personal tastes, the importance that each person assigns to it and the behavioral, social and cultural characteristics.

Physical attraction is not necessarily accompanied by emotional attraction, which rather focuses on the non-physical aspects of other people. Therefore, it can be reviewed in isolation.

In this sense, physical attraction leads, in most cases, to sexual desire that hopes to be rewarded at some point if the desire is reciprocal.

Deciphering what a person thinks is an almost impossible task; However, when you talk face to face with someone, a series of unconscious gestural signals are activated that surpass words in information. 65% of communication is gestural, so not everything that the person feels and thinks remains in the deepest secret.

  • When a person is physically attracted to another, a series of substances are activated in the brain that are expressed in gestures and behaviors.
  • Physical attraction manifests itself through physiological (and psychological) reactions , such as dilation of the pupils, sweating in the hands that turn cold, increased blood pressure and heart rate.
  • Regarding behavior, the person tends to line up face to face with the other and seek eye contact, in addition to the fact that it is impossible for them to avoid smiling at some point. These gestures expose the desire to be seen and to want to get closer to the other person. They are the typical courtship signals that are present in both humans and animals.
  • Another constant in courtship behavior is the lifting of the shoulders. Studies call it the “sweet response” as it is interpreted as the willingness to meet the other person.
  • The inward foot posture reveals physical attraction and that the person feels intimidated and willing.
  • The position of the head with respect to the other person plays an important role in all people, regardless of their sexual orientation. Regularly the person who is attracted to another pays tribute by tilting his forehead towards her and his eyes are forced to look up.

But what would be those unmistakable signs that are visible to your eyes and ears, according to the regularity of genders. In the case of men, the following are known:

  • Men tend to expose their professional achievements , to talk about their assets or properties.
  • They put their chest out as much as possible, trying to improve their posture with the person they are attracted to. They seek to remain upright even while sitting.
  • If they have the occasion, they will dress with more details.
  • Unusual eye contact and smiling are still important signs.
  • And in the case of women, they usually show attraction through:
  • Movements and touches of the hair with the hands.
  • The cross- legged pose at times yes at times no.
  • Exposure of the hands or palms and neck.
  • Sudden changes in your body balance axis towards the person you are attracted to.
  • The smile accompanied by fixed stares , like men.
  • The most detailed care of your makeup or of your skin and physical appearance .

Characteristics of emotional attraction

Emotional attraction , seen as a feeling differentiated from physical attraction, shows various dimensions that do not necessarily come from physical attraction.

Emotional attraction is the positive tension that any person experiences for someone because of their personal attributes : way of acting, values ​​that govern them, intelligence, professional knowledge, wisdom and empathy for their peers. They are the non-physical attributes that tend to be more stable in people, although they could eventually change for better or worse.

In a couple relationship, both attractions regularly coexist , in fact the strength of love relationships depends on it, on the complementation between the two. But when the emotional attraction wears off there is nothing more that can be done to revive the relationship, even if some of the physical attraction remains.

Physical attraction may decrease due to routine, financial problems, family tensions, etc., but it is surmountable with proper care.

The deterioration of emotional attraction is a process that can begin for no apparent reason, although in reality there are hidden reasons that are usually related to the change in expectations and interests regarding the affective relationship of the protagonists. The typical excuse “it’s not you, it’s me” makes sense deep down. The so-called infatuation among very young people plummets for very different reasons, immaturity is one of them.

The first impression of the other enters through the senses, it is the so-called physical attraction, which if it does not escalate to the emotional attraction in a reasonable time, there will be nothing to do. Physical aspects change , age, and what seemed beautiful or pleasant ceases to be.

In conclusion

Emotional attraction is, if you will, the essential requirement for a lasting relationship. Those who practice self-knowledge know what they are looking for in a partner.

The coincidence in humor leads to identification with the emotional state and an immediate connection. Likewise, overlapping principles and values ​​are key factors for a relationship to endure and emotional attraction to be strengthened. It is not simply about coincidence of tastes, but about the immaterial foundations that bring people closer from ethics, customs, passions and ideas.

The previous point is linked to the fact that the more people spend time, the more a conversation flows between them, the existing emotional attraction is highlighted. In fact, the growth of emotional attraction revolves around the desire to talk and share .

When people are emotionally attracted they are more vulnerable and empathetic and, at the same time, they care about your opinion and advice. It is a manifestation of consideration and respect, but obviously the appropriate context must be added to it.

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Alexa Clark specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She has experience in listening and welcoming in Individual Therapy and Couples Therapy. It meets demands such as generalized anxiety, professional, love and family conflicts, stress, depression, sexual dysfunction, grief, and adolescents from 15 years of age. Over the years, She felt the need to conduct the psychotherapy sessions with subtlety since She understands that the psychologist acts as a facilitator of self-understanding and self-acceptance, valuing each person's respect, uniqueness, and acceptance.

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