Index
Sexuality in adolescence: Sex Education Part 2.
Sexuality in Adolescence is a continuation of the previous chapter on childhood sexuality. There we saw the importance that parents have on the sexual education that their children receive.
We saw how this education must be carried out from the first months of life, it must be natural and progressive, asking what the child demands without lies, but neither by suddenly giving him excessive information that he cannot properly digest.
We end the chapter with the physical and emotional changes that occur at puberty.
Now we are going to talk more specifically about sexuality in adolescence and we will review how parents should act in different situations that may arise: Sociocultural changes in relation to sex, masturbation, first sexual relations with intercourse, contraceptives, sexually transmitted diseases, homosexuality or sexual abuse of minors.
Sociocultural changes in relation to sex.
During puberty a series of physical and psychological changes take place that lead the adolescent to sexual maturity. At this time the first sexual relations will appear. However, the behavior of adolescents regarding sex is conditioned by other factors independent of sexual maturity, such as sociocultural factors.
In the past years of the century, there have been important changes in the sexual behavior of adolescents, with respect to sexual behavior at the end of the 20th century. Among the factors that may have influenced these changes we can point out:
The trivialization of sex: Sex is no longer something important, it has lost the character of something valuable for the adolescent. Sex is seen by young people as something inconsequential and fun and is practiced irresponsibly without being aware of the consequences.
Today’s parents can be astonished to learn that their children practice “the spring”, a sexual game where the boys stand in a circle, with their penises erect, and the girls sit on each of them, forcing a penetration, and being like that for 30 seconds, and then move on to the next guy. The first one to ejaculate loses. This game, known in Latin America for some years now, is becoming popular in Spain, and the first unwanted pregnancies have already occurred, as it is generally performed in a context where neither alcohol nor drugs are lacking to facilitate disinhibition.
Sex is no longer something intimate and personal: Nowadays it is not uncommon to see how sexual images, their own or others, are shared without the slightest shame on social networks.
The fear of diseases such as AIDS , which a few years ago were a deadly plague and today have become chronic diseases, has been lost . This loss of fear of HIV infection has increased risk behaviors without adequate protection. These behavioral changes have led to a rebound in AIDS and syphilis cases.
Sexual promiscuity is seen naturally and there are not a few adolescents who have full sexual relations with several partners. At the same time, the average age of first sexual intercourse has decreased, which is now around 15 years in Spain.
Sexuality: The first sexual relations begin
How easily it is clear from the above data, irresponsible sexual behavior can have serious consequences such as unwanted pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases.
For this reason, the informational and educational mission of parents becomes more important, in a world where adolescents increasingly find enormous information on the internet and social networks, not always reliable, which in many cases will give them sexual knowledge often wrong.
Faced with this situation so disadvantageous for parents (difficulty in communicating about sexual issues and children’s lack of interest in asking them for information), sex education becomes a priority and inexcusable task, not only for parents, but also for educational centers. , the media and health centers.
Sexuality in adolescence: Masturbation.
As we saw in the previous chapter, masturbation is a fact and a natural act throughout the life of children, which is born from the exploration and knowledge of their own body. The child explores his body and genitals and discovers that certain parts when stimulated give him pleasure.
What is special about the child repeating behaviors on his body that are rewarding? Obviously, it has nothing in particular and we must take masturbation as a natural behavior, both in boys and girls, as long as it does not translate into compulsive behavior.
We must ensure that the child takes masturbation as something normal and logical in his age, to prevent feelings of guilt from appearing. The years in which priests threatened children with physical illnesses are not so far away: “their brains would melt if they masturbated” or spiritual threats such as hell and eternal fire: “look, who’s looking at you God / look, who is looking at you / see that death is coming / look that you do not know when. ”
How many parents have not gone to bed horrified in their adolescence with the fear of dying in sin for having masturbated.
It is important that you bear in mind that there is no use preventing or threatening your children so that they do not masturbate, as they will continue to do so. All you will do is lose your confidence or feel guilty about their behavior.
Teach him that it is something natural, that he should restrict his privacy, but that it is not bad, nor does it lead to physical or mental illnesses.
If a father observes that his son masturbates very frequently, rather than scolding or punishing him for his behavior, it is preferable to try to understand what is happening, since in many cases masturbation is a way to reduce anguish and anxiety.
It is known that as early as the eighteenth century, and so it is recorded in the childcare books of the time, nannies masturbated children so that they fell asleep soon and had a placid sleep.
Faced with excessive masturbatory behavior, approach your child without reproach, and talk with him naturally, not only about masturbation, but also about his mood, problems or concerns that may be emotionally altering him.
But of course, it is one thing to know the theory, and quite another, to come home one day, tired from work and find your son or teenage daughter masturbating in the living room. At that moment we are speechless and do not know what to say.
That can happen, and then it is best to be prepared in case that happens. As we have already said, any comment of reproach, punishment or disapproval is unnecessary, but it is necessary to explain to the adolescent that this behavior is part of their privacy, and should do it in a place where they will not be seen, but not because it is bad, but because it is something intimate, which must be protected by modesty.
The adolescent must understand that what he is doing is normal, but that he must do it in privacy where he is not seen by other members of the family.
In adolescence the practice of masturbation appears
Adolescence and the first sexual relations.
Although, as we have referred to at the beginning of the article, sexual habits have changed profoundly, and this translates into an earlier age for the first sexual relations, it is no less true that the information of adolescents is still scarce and inadequate.
It is not uncommon in educational talks in schools to hear a girl say that if she has sex standing up or in a pool she cannot get pregnant.
The information that reaches adolescents is full of myths and false beliefs, which should be clarified. You have to think that the adolescent’s sexual activity is going to be part of his life and that he will also be influenced by a series of sexual stimuli from his environment (friends, television, magazines, internet, etc).
It is convenient to talk to your child about the sexual decisions that await him: the first person he will be attracted to, the first contacts (kisses, caresses, etc.) and the first possible sexual relationship with intercourse.
The information should always be based on truthfulness, but above all on the responsibility that any sexual act entails.
That is why you must prepare him to be able to make thoughtful and responsible decisions and avoid crazy behaviors, often the result of excess alcohol or other drugs.
Obviously, there is no use insisting that you not have sex, because if you have already made that decision, you will do so anyway. Instead, what you can do is get him to do it safely and responsibly.
Contraceptives and sexually transmitted diseases.
It is important that you talk with your children about the different contraceptive methods and their advantages and disadvantages. It is not about giving you a lecture on sexuality, but about providing you with correct information, since what you get from friends is often confusing or wrong (“the first time you do it, nothing ever happens” or “going back is a safe technique ”).
It is not a bad idea, take advantage of the talks that the health workers give in schools about sexuality, to talk about the subject with your children and know what information they handle and correct possible errors that they may have in this regard.
You must be clear that talking about sexuality with your children is not synonymous with encouraging them or allowing them to have sexual relations.
It is simply about offering them information, so that they learn to face situations that will end up occurring throughout their lives and know how to react in a responsible way at those moments.
It is convenient, when giving information, to differentiate between contraceptive methods, which seek to avoid an unwanted pregnancy, and methods to prevent sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS, syphilis or gonorrhea.
Parents should talk to their children about contraception measures
Sexuality in adolescence: Homosexuality.
Although, nowadays, homosexuality is much more accepted in our society, it can still be difficult for parents to accept that their son or daughter may be homosexual.
Sexual identity is not defined until adolescence and it is not uncommon for a young man to have homosexual contacts for fear of relating to people of the opposite sex, curiosity to know the body, confusion, identification with friends of the same sex, etc. without that necessarily meaning that he is homosexual.
If your son informs you that he is homosexual, the main thing is to tell him how you feel about the news, avoiding any disqualification and, of course, not rejecting him for his choice.
Talk to him and let him express himself freely about his feelings, doubts or fears.
Let him know that you will always be by his side to support him and that due to his sexual choice he will not stop being your child nor will you love him less.
Sexual abuse of minors.
Sexual information to children would not be complete if you did not explain what sexual abuse is. That is why it is important to explain to children, even if they are very young, what sexual abuse is and what it consists of.
At about five years of age, the child should know that his body is his and belongs to him and that no one can do anything to him that makes him feel upset.
It is good to explain to him, but without scaring him, that no one, be it known or unknown, or even a relative, has the right to touch his private parts, or force him to be the one to touch the private parts of another.
It is very important to make it clear to him the importance of coming to you quickly, if something similar happens to him, explaining that he has not done anything wrong and that you are always going to stand by his side and protect him in such a situation.
In conclusion.
Sex education is obtained mainly from the observation of family relationships.
If you want to convey to your children that sexuality is giving and receiving pleasure, tenderness, affection and communication, you must be very aware that you can transmit it to them with your behavior (“Works are loves and not good reasons”).
Alexa Clark specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She has experience in listening and welcoming in Individual Therapy and Couples Therapy. It meets demands such as generalized anxiety, professional, love and family conflicts, stress, depression, sexual dysfunction, grief, and adolescents from 15 years of age. Over the years, She felt the need to conduct the psychotherapy sessions with subtlety since She understands that the psychologist acts as a facilitator of self-understanding and self-acceptance, valuing each person's respect, uniqueness, and acceptance.
