Index
Peter Pan syndrome. Denomination.
This syndrome is not recognized as a specific disorder by the APA (American Psychiatric Association). For this reason, if we consult the “Bible of psychology and psychiatry”, the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) we will not find in it any reference to this popular syndrome. Despite this, the term coined in 1983 by Dr. Dan Kiley has become established and is in common use today. Its use does not imply referring to a specific pathology , but rather to generic character traits.
The Book: “The Peter Pan Syndrome” by Dr, Dan Kiley.
Doctor Dan Kiley.
The editor couldn’t believe what he read in a magazine. The book “The Peter Pan Syndrome: The Men Who Never Grew Up” had become an international best seller. More than twenty million copies had already been sold worldwide. The book had been translated into more than twenty languages. It was present in every store window in the United States.
The editor clearly remembered the day he had rejected the manuscript offered for publication. It was in 1983 , an individual came to his bookstore one day and offered him a book, which he had just written. Subject introduced himself as Dan Kiley, he was a doctor of psychology. He was 41 years old and was working in the rehabilitation of young people with misfits and problems.
He could still remember the emphasis that this individual placed when talking about his work: he had observed how some of his patients were unable to assume responsibility. They isolated themselves from reality and lived in a bubble as if they were still children.
The editor clearly remembered that he did not allow much more explanation. He told him that the issue was not in the public interest and kindly fired him. Now looking at the cover of the book “The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up” he just wanted to bang his head against the wall.
Sir James Matthew Barrie created the character of Peter Pan in 1904.
Peter Pan: The literary character.
Probably most readers are familiar with the movie “Peter Pan.” The Dysney studios that released it in 1953 made the sympathetic character world famous. Since then names like Peter Pan, Tinker Bell or Captain Hook have been part of the fantasies of millions of children around the world.
However, the origin of Peter Pan dates back many years. In 1904 , in London , a play entitled: “Peter Pan, the boy who was not going to grow up” was premiered . Its author was the London writer James Matthew Barrie. This would end up obtaining the title of “Sir” for his literary career. Peter Pan’s work is inspired by the lives of the children of some of his friends: the Llewelyn Davies couple.
Adult world vs Child world.
In the theatrical work there is a clear contrast between two opposite worlds. On one side is the “adult world” represented by the evil Captain Hook. On the other hand there is the “children’s world” represented by Peter Pan .
Although the play has children’s characters, it poses a problem for adults, moving away from what years later the Disney factory would turn into a children’s adventure film.
In the play there is a dichotomy between two worlds: Peter Pan does not want to grow up so as not to lose the naivety and innocence of childhood.
For some authors, Peter Pan wants to be a child forever to continue playing. He does not want to assume the responsibilities of adults . This would be the most widespread criterion, today, when it comes to talking about Peter Pan syndrome.
For others, Peter Pan simply wants to continue living in his fantasy world. He does not seek to escape responsibilities. Petar Pan tries to preserve the essence of the genuine world of childhood. That world that is so hard to understand adults. Peter Pan does not want to give up the joy, fantasy and imagination of his childhood world.
Hook and Peter Pan: The world of adults versus the world of children.
The current Peter Pan.
When Dr. Dan Kiley wrote his book he was referring to his young patients who did not take responsibility for adult life. They were incapable of becoming independent from paternal family life. They did not consolidate mature emotional relationships. They were not able to find a stable job.
This vision of the author has nothing to do with the magic and charm of childhood. In her affective immaturity and selfishness predominate . Most authors consider that people with Peter pan syndrome have marked narcissistic traits. They are considered the “navel of the world.” They never own up to their mistakes and blame those around them for their failures.
The Spanish Peter Pan.
In Spain, Peter Pan syndrome has become very popular. This has been thanks to the articles on this subject by Vázquez Montalbán , and to the book “Peter Pan Syndrome? The children who do not leave home ” by Aquilino Polaino-Lorente .
In fact, the fact that children remain in the parental home until advanced ages has been the subject of numerous humorous scenes in film and television, which have perfectly caricatured this social drama.
The phenomenon of young people who do not want to grow up and live the adult world is not new. Dan Kiley, simply put a name to behaviors known for many years. The psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung proposed the term “puer aeternus” (eternal child) to refer to this type of young people at the beginning of the 20th century.
The socio-economic Peter Pan syndrome.
Today, with the brutal economic crisis that plagues us, the Peter Pan syndrome is blurred by a dark social reality .
Every day it is more difficult for young people to find stable work . The acquisition of housing , especially in big cities, is prohibitive. In the absence of employment benefits, many young people must continue to live with their parents. They eat thanks to their salary, when not thanks to their grandparents’ pension.
This uncertain perspective sometimes causes the concepts to be mixed: Thus we have the genuine young man with Peter Pan syndrome , who would act the same, even if he lived a time of economic boom. At his side appear many other young people , who do not share the typical features of this syndrome, but who are forced to lead a life similar to “the real ones” Peter Pan .
We could say that there are two kinds of Peter Pan syndrome : a socioeconomic one , which we can say is imposed by today’s society and the economic crisis. Other individual or psychological , determined by the personality traits of the individual.
Causes and traits of Peter Pan Syndrome.
Causes.
Leaving aside the socio-economic Peter Pan, most authors agree that these subjects have had a very tolerant childhood. Their parents have not exercised any authority over them and have let them do what they want.
They have lived without knowing the meaning of the word “NO”. They don’t know frustration because all their whims have been satisfied, even before they asked for it.
They have not had any demands. All your actions and personal achievements have been magnified. They have lived like real kings and tyrants in their home . They have been growing physically, but psychologically they are weak and immature .
Personality traits.
These people do not take responsibility , their strength is fictitious, and they feel insecure . When the reality of the adult world hits them they blame others. They are self-centered and have little capacity for empathy .
They are concerned about their needs, but they live oblivious to the problems of those around them. If they do enter into emotional relationships , they are usually very superficial . They have a hard time finding real friends. The same happens in the sentimental and sexual field. They often remain single, “biting from flower to flower.”
Their life has been comfortable and they have not had to make the slightest effort to achieve their whims. For this reason, when reality prevails and they are frustrated in some way, they feel anguished . Criticisms received very poorly and often blame others for their shortcomings. On the contrary, they frequently boast and brag about their successes.
They need the praise and approval of their bosses or superiors. They live with internal insecurity and a successful external facade, but this entails a lot of anxiety , which in the long term can lead to depressive symptoms .
They are adults living in their childhood world
One of the characters that is always cited when talking about this syndrome is the famous and late singer Michael Jackson , who lived from his earliest childhood surrounded by whims and sycophants. Those closest to him say that he was like a child trapped in a man’s body. They should not be very wrong, because he made the fantasy of creating his own “Neverland” come true by buying a huge farm, including an amusement park, which he named “Neverland Valley Ranch”.
Alexa Clark specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She has experience in listening and welcoming in Individual Therapy and Couples Therapy. It meets demands such as generalized anxiety, professional, love and family conflicts, stress, depression, sexual dysfunction, grief, and adolescents from 15 years of age. Over the years, She felt the need to conduct the psychotherapy sessions with subtlety since She understands that the psychologist acts as a facilitator of self-understanding and self-acceptance, valuing each person's respect, uniqueness, and acceptance.
